On a beautiful day last week, I returned to my alma mater, the University of Ibadan (UI), to meet with some mentees of the JB Law & Life Compass (JBLLC) Mentorship Platform.
We ate amala, discussed life, laughed, and took pictures. Frankly, it was one of the most fulfilling days of my life. Listening to these brilliant young law students, I had little doubt that they, and many others on our platform, would do well in life.
As I made my way to my host’s home afterwards, my mind travelled back to my own days at UI.
Those were the days I thought I understood life!
Whenever I witnessed troubling behaviours, I would reassure myself that understanding would come with age.
The teenager disrespectful to his parents would learn with age. The young couple neglecting their children would learn with age. The student abandoning her education would learn with age. My friend’s brother who regularly drank himself into a stupor would learn with age. The careless young professional would learn with age.
I believed that growing older meant growing wiser. I also thought that all one needed to navigate life successfully was to be a good child, spouse, parent, professional, friend, and citizen.
For me at the time, things were either black or white. I thought I understood life. Perhaps I even imagined that life understood me.
Then life happened!
I became a lawyer, husband, father, friend, and mentor.
I have watched good people make terrible decisions and supposedly terrible people demonstrate extraordinary kindness.
I have seen marriages I thought would last forever collapse, while those I expected to fail endured. I have seen lifelong friendships crumble over minor disagreements, while unlikely friendships survived unimaginable challenges.
I have watched people given months to live survive for decades, while seemingly healthy people died young.
I have seen brilliant, hardworking people struggle while the less brilliant achieved extraordinary success. Children surrounded by love and opportunities sometimes faltered, while those raised in neglect became responsible and accomplished adults.
I have seen people who were right condemned and those who were wrong applauded. I have watched people take credit for the achievements of others, while the real contributors remained forgotten.
I have witnessed people intoxicated by power, money, or public attention deliberately destroy the reputations of people they barely know. And I wonder: What satisfaction comes from hurting others?
I have observed those entrusted with state resources deprive citizens of the benefits of those resources, leaving them to suffer while they enjoy the collective resources alone.
I have seen people who demand fairness, loyalty, and forgiveness deny these same things to others.
I have also seen individuals unjustly attack professionals carrying out their professional duties without provocation.
Yet, I have also witnessed extraordinary kindness, support, forgiveness, generosity, and loyalty from the most unexpected people.
Today is my birthday.
And one of the greatest lessons I have learned over the years is that the older I grow, the less I understand!
Why do good people suffer? Why do some relationships survive terrible storms while others collapse over little disagreements? Why do we spend so much time chasing things that may eventually mean very little or that we will leave behind when we are gone? Why are some people bent on destroying others for no just cause? Why do we have individuals who specialise in judging others when they have no knowledge of the issue and would not want to be judged in the same way?
I do not have all the answers.
Perhaps wisdom is not about having answers to everything. Perhaps it is about becoming less judgmental, listening more, showing greater compassion, and asking better questions.
As I grow older, I appreciate more deeply the love of family, the beauty and complexities of marriage, the responsibilities and rewards of fatherhood, the positive effect of true friendship, the sustaining strength of faith, the satisfaction of professional integrity, and the healing power of forgiveness.
I have learned that when the ground beneath our feet begins to shake, there are people who will steady us without asking questions or expecting anything in return. Such people are priceless.
I have learned that age does not prevent mistakes. True maturity lies in acknowledging our mistakes, correcting them, apologising when necessary, and making a conscious effort not to repeat them.
I have also come to appreciate the importance of giving younger people opportunities, supporting their dreams, and learning from them. Perhaps that is why my visit to UI meant so much to me.
Today, I am grateful for life, family, friends, colleagues, staff, mentors, mentees, and everyone who has contributed to my journey. I am grateful for those who stood by me, corrected me, forgave me, encouraged me, and believed in me.
I am even grateful for life’s difficult lessons, although I would gladly have done without some of them!
As I begin another year, my prayer is for the grace to love more genuinely, forgive more readily, judge less hastily, listen more patiently, serve more faithfully, and continue learning.
I do not know what tomorrow holds, but I know what I want to hold on to.
The older I grow, the less I understand about life’s mysteries. But the more I understand about what truly matters: love, family, faith, integrity, friendship, kindness, forgiveness, and service to others.
Perhaps that is the understanding I needed all along.
My prayer for you and me is that as we grow older, we will not merely add years to our lives, but wisdom to our decisions, kindness to our hearts, humility to our conduct, and meaning to our existence. May life be kind to us, may we find strength in difficult seasons, and may we never lack people who will steady us when the ground beneath our feet begins to shake. Above all, may we live long enough in good health to appreciate what truly matters. Amen.
Johnson Babalola is a Toronto-based lawyer.