WURAOLA: Why are politicians always desperate to win elections, so desperate that they are willing to shed blood?
PROFESSOR: What kind of foolish question is that?
WURA: Please tolerate my foolishness, if it is foolish to ask you a question that bothers my mind. You are a teacher at the highest level; you taught us to seek knowledge at all times. To seek is to find.
TONYE: To seek is to gain knowledge; knowledge could imprison, incapacitate you!
WURA: Let me know the truth and be set free! Prof, am I missing something?
PROF: To ask questions on inanities, on what is obvious, is questionable! Is there a hidden agenda?
TONYE: Conspiracy theory! Hahahahahaha!
WURA: Is there any subject that does not deserve inquiry? Don’t we sometimes travel on shallow waters if I may quote your book titled Election is War?
PROF: You got me there. I suppose your question is rhetorical. You are not really expecting me to answer such a no-brainer!
TONYE: Perhaps you should ruminate, ponder over the question, and share your thoughts with us. To whom much is given, much is expected!
NGOZI: Please let’s discuss more important things. Prof is not going to answer the question. Is it not his colleagues that are helping politicians to rig elections?
PROF: I take exception to that!
NGOZI: You can take all the exceptions that you like. It will not change the facts of the matter. Tell me: was a professor not sent to goal for rigging elections in Akwa Ibom State?
PROF: Is that enough to tar all professors with the same brush?
NGOZI: Why are we tarring all politicians with the same brush?
PROF: This is unbecoming!
NGOZI: If you like speak big grammar from now till the revolution comes. It won’t change anything. What will be will be!
OGAMBA: Look here, we are here to discuss the progress of our country. We don’t have to fling insults at each other. Ngozi, I think you have been hard on the professor.
NGOZI: I knew you would take sides with him. I knew it. I know you are scrambling for crumbs from the professor’s table!
OGAMBA: Ngozi, what has come over you today?
TONIA: Her boyfriend ran off with a professor’s daughter over the weekend. Hahahahaha!
NGOZI: Excuse me, is that supposed to be a joke?
TONIA: I don’t joke with serious matters!
NGOZI: What do you mean? This is slanderous! A fictional creation from your morally depraved mind!
TONIA: If you are so convinced that the story about your daughter running off with a professor, go to court!
TONYE: This is a distraction. Come on, everybody. Let’s calm down. Let’s be calming down! Cool u cool u cool temper!
OGAMBA: Wuraola must have a reason for asking why politicians are always desperate to win elections.
WURA: Yes o! It’s the way the entire machinery of APC was marshalled into Osun State that makes me nervous. A serving moronic and atavistic senator made a proclamation that was very barbaric. That all opposition party members should be killed!
OGAMBA: That can’t be true!
PROF: I am afraid to disappoint you. It is true. I gave the senator a piece of my mind last night at the club. He is a disappointment.
OGAMBA: And what has the DSS done about it? About him?
PROF: He was invited by the police for questioning. Look here. Election is war! Repeat: election is WAR! In every country, election is war. The only difference between elections here and the Western world is the type of weapons that are deployed to decimate, no, overcome the enemy.
NGOZI: Nnamdi Kanu is in jail because he made threatening statements about corporate Nigeria. The other day one basket mouth Imam opened his filthy mouth to say that Nigeria belongs to Muslims and so both the president and his vice must be Muslims. Sheikh Gumi, the notorious apologist for bandits has come to his defence. No security agency invited them for questioning. One country, two sets of laws!
PROF: It’s not like that…
PROF: There are nuances to these issues.
NGOZI: I beg your pardon. Nuances my foot!
PROF: Politicians are desperate to win elections because it gives them access to power. Period.
WURA: You know that is not the answer.
PROF: If you knew the answer, why did you ask me? What then is the answer?
NGOZI: To have access to the nation’s coffers. Period. Not power. Money, brother, money sisters! It’s a question of cash! Contracts. Security votes that are spent without accountability.
OGAMBA: That is putting it bluntly. Is government money not sweet? Tell me. Which other business can guarantee you 1000% return on investment? Tell me, where else does that happen? Not even in the oil sector which boasts of oily money. Once you win a Governorship or presidential seat, life changes for everyone in your family. See what Trump is doing in America with the power of incumbency!
TONIA: I remember President Jonathan saying that elections don’t deserve the blood anybody.
NGOZI: He was too gentle with the sharks around him; even naïve. See how they hounded him out of office.
PROF: Election violence is not new in Nigeria. Remember Operation Wetie in the First Republic? It’s not for nothing the southwest was branded the ‘Wild Wild West ‘! It snowballed into the crash of the republic, preparing grounds for the military to seize power in January 1966. The 1983 elections in Ondo State as another example of violence, resulting from the NPN-controlled government at the national level wanted to foist an unpopular candidate on the people.
NGOZI: I recall a cartoon by Tribune where Chief Akin Omoboriowo the NPN stalwart who wanted to steal the election from late Chief Ajasin was being guarded while he squatted pooing in a toilet! The people said a resounding no!
TONYE: Isn’t that the same thing the APC-controlled federal government wanted to do in Osun State?
TONIA: The federal government is not happy that a state governor who is always dancing as if governance is a party.
TONYE: That is trivializing a serious matter. Mr. President would naturally like all state governors to come on board the APC, or at least support him for president. And I think that Governor Adeleke will play ball after the almighty federal government allowed him to win the election.
TONIA: Allowed him to win? What is the meaning of that?
NGOZI: The people of the state have decided that they like the dancing governor and his steps. The people are interested in the dividends of democracy.
PROF: See how heavyweights such as Oyinlola, Omisore, and Aregbesola lost in their polling units! This is a lesson on how democracy should work.
NGOZI: It’s the Trumpian effect.
PROF: What do you mean Trumpian effect?
TONIA: Davido put a call through to the White House for President Trump to monitor the elections!
TONYE: False. It was a tweet that Davido sent to President Trump.
TONIA: Whatever….
WURA: So, tweets can win elections now. Na wa o!
PROF: Congratulations to all parties. The winners and the losers deserve a commendation. It will make a good title for a book – Winning Elections through Tweeting or Tweeting and Election Victory!
TONYE: I specially commend Mr. President on not directing his men on the ground to grab, squeeze and make a dash! Above all, INEC deployed the IREV facility in the elections. No room for manipulation.
PROF: The president I supposed told them to allow democracy to prevail in Osun.
WURA: Yes; but will he do same in 2027 when he would on the ballot.
TONYE: Time will tell.
PROF: Congratulations to the people of Osun State, the dancing governor and the President.
WURA: Governor Adeleke will come out with more vigorous and fanciful dance steps in the next week or so!
NGOZI: next week? He has started a new step already. Didn’t you watch a video of him dancing during thanksgiving on Sunday?
TONYE: I hope we can all dance like that in 2027!
PROF: That’s another kettle of fish. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m off to a meeting. Bye!