It was that year when the ‘small fish’ swallowed the ‘big fish’. The organization where I worked then had acquired this bigger institution, and we were going through integration. As expected, there was a clash of culture. I had sent an email to another staff member from the other organization, and he considered my salutation (how I addressed him) very disrespectful. He took a serious exception to it and was very vocal about the issue. Soon, it was brought to my attention.
We shared a joint canteen then, so during lunch, I approached him and apologised. I actually prostrated before him. He was caught off guard but told me he had overlooked the indiscretion. I learnt a very strong lesson that day. A company has two cultures: the one in the handbook and the one people actually live by.
That’s why it’s important to read the room. There are unwritten rules, and it is your job to decode them. Unwritten rules will make or break your career. It was Paul Drucker who said, “Culture eats strategy for breakfast “. I will add that culture can swallow the most intelligent of beings and have them for lunch and dinner.
I remember the first meeting I attended when I joined another financial institution many years ago. The meeting was held in a meeting room of a highbrow hotel. I entered the room where I was meeting most of the attendees for the first time and immediately pulled a seat. I didn’t quite notice there were some awkward stares until someone walked up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, and whispered into my ear. I was actually seated on the chair meant for the CEO.
I jumped up, stepped back, and then did a quick observation. It was then I discovered that there was a certain arrangement in the room. It wasn’t quite obvious to the first-timer if one did not take time to observe.
If you’re meeting someone for the first time, address them formally. Formal is always the professional way. You can’t go wrong with it. Use their title if you know it. Or just stick to addressing them as ‘Sir’ or ‘Madam’. If they now ask you to address them in a particular way, you are then free to exercise that liberty. But not before then. When in doubt, it’s better to err on the side of formality.
Salutation is extremely important. I always recommend using ‘Dear Sir or Ma’ rather than typing ‘Hello’ or ‘Hi’ when you’re not familiar with the other party. As a rule of thumb, I only respond ‘Hi’ when the other party writes ‘Hello’. But I never go first. I avoid it as much as I can. Avoid using emojis in formal correspondence. When you exchange phone messages with your superiors, avoid emojis totally. Don’t use abbreviations either. How can you respond LMAO or ROLF even if your boss says something funny?
Consider the nuances. It is always wise to observe the protocols of a place and act accordingly. Emotional intelligence works better when protocols are understood. Joseph knew Egyptians don’t like beards so he shaved before appearing before Pharaoh. What if he didn’t shave his beard? Could the outcome have been different despite the solution he provided? Just maybe. Geography matters. What is acceptable in Canaan may be frowned on in Egypt. Every palace has its rules. Keep them and access is granted. Violate them at your peril.
Not everything is written in the employee handbook. For instance, if you’re on a phone call with a superior, it’s safer to allow them get off the call first after the conversation. Don’t cut because you’re done. You may come off as rude or disrespectful. Knock gently and wait for a response before you enter. That should be kindergarten wisdom, right? Wrong. Many offices don’t have formal demarcations or walls so while there may be no real door to knock, boundaries have to be respected.
When you walk with a senior, allow them to be slightly ahead. It shows you defer to them. However, if they approach a door, hasten up and open the door for them. Do the same when you climb the stairs while maintaining at least a step in-between. When a senior is on a call, please excuse yourself except they ask you to stay.
Supervisors and leaders also need to extend grace to their new hires and subordinates. Cut them some slack. Understand the exuberance. Rome was not built in a day. Mentor them. Correct and redirect them. You also did not become who you are overnight. Don’t only tell them what to do or expect but let them understand why. Also lead by example. They will end up doing what they see.
*Bayo Adeyinka, a banker and social entrepreneur, writes from Lagos